Where Robinson Went Wrong

Oh, yawn. Somebody keep me awake during the post-mortems. Like Ms. wrong-again Morrison whining in the RJ:

I went from thinking North Las Vegas City Councilman William Robinson didn't have a snowball's chance of becoming mayor to wondering whether his campaign strategy of holding on to Democrats and beating Councilwoman Shari Buck among black voters just might work in a low turnout race.

I should have gone with my first instincts, that he couldn't overcome the post-primary revelation he had been investigated in the early 1990s on bribery allegations, although never indicted. (RJ)

Oh boo hoo. And let's all let overpaid Jim Ferrence off the hook because of a little old FBI investigation, while we're at it, right?

According to the campaign finance reports, Mr. Ferrence's firm Paladin Advertising made over $113,000 in the Robinson race--and Ferrence gets a walk because of one lousy FBI investigation??

But, but, you stammer, nobody could win a race if they were the subject of an FBI investigation for corruption, could they?

Snap out of it Grasshopper! Do you have the attention span of a Nevada voter??

Do you forget so easily: Gibbons v. Titus?

Now, now before you get all choked up with rage, Grasshopper, I will grant that most of us did not learn about the FBI investigation of the alleged bribing of the Gibbers by eTreppid folk until February 2007 after the 2006 election and the jittery in-swearing. (And if you remember that, Grasshopper, then you almost snatched away the stone in my palm--which makes it difficult to type.)

And in fact, the FBI may not have been looking into the sordid story until after all those lovely allegations of poker chips and sailing ships appeared before our eyes thanks to the paper of record itself on November 1st, 2006 just seven days before the vote. And during the last few days of early voting.

Still, shouldn't that have been a knockout blow to the Gibbers?

Of course not, Mormon Cricket! And the Gube's perverted campaign strategy should have been adopted by Robinson, if he had really wanted to win the Nor'Town mayoral race.

What should he have done? Oh, it is so, so simple Grasshopper. You, and Mr. Ferrence, will kick yourselves when you hear it.

Robinson should have got drunk and slapped a waitress.

Oh, is it so simple? you cry.

Well, no. You have to get the local police to "exonerate" you--or at least lose the evidence--and sully the victim's reputation mercilessly.

But the key to the Gibbons' strategy is what it has ever been: lower expectations as low as you can possibly get them, and then show up at a public affiar, like at a debate, in an expensive suit and don't throw up.

That's it. Indeed, we already see the master weave his tangled web of idiocy and incompetence--thousands of vetos, groping at the rodeo, divorcing the ball-and-chain and calling her a ferret, on and on and on.

And then, just when everyone says, oh! he's such an idiot! He'll make a complete ass of himself in the debate with Buckley!

Errr...no. A rather goofy man in a nice suit who occasionally knits together a grammatical English sentence will show up, say "no new taxes" and "there goes Barbara TaxMe!" and voilà: second term!

Bottom line: Robinson shoulda pulled a Gibbers. Sure, sure, it's easier for a Republican to pull off. We just naturally expect failure and incompetence from them. But hey, Democrats always come in a close second.

Mr. Ferrence, I know Sig Rogich, and you, sir, are no Sig Rogich.

Oh, okay. I don't know Sig Rogich. But Rogich could've won the Nor'Townie race by pulling a Gibbons. All it takes is setting aside the last shred of one's conscience and intellect. Is that so hard?