Nor'Town: Politics in North Las Vegas, Nevada

DimaXtion

The latest edition of the North Las Vegas Activity Guide is sure to produce nightmares, what with the apparition of a stuffed gargoyle apparently meant to resemble the city's mascot, MetroSexual Max, leering from the front cover.

If that isn't enough to cow citizens from signing up for a class or two, the prospect of reading the latest adventure of Max will surely complete the task. This issue finds Max, the sorry product of the Clark County School System, unable to muster the reading skills necessary to interpret the Guide and mistakenly signing up for a class targeted at 3 year-olds.

To add to the cognitive dissonance, it is nearly impossible to determine the most disturbing aspect of the final panel. Is the frightening image of Max's mother being so dysfunctional that she can't tell the difference between a 3 and a 13 year-old? Or that she would dress Max in such an outlandish outfit, making him the obvious target for every gender-confused bully at school? Or could it be the horror of the young fellow in the foreground, who, instead of having his head removed by a speeding soccer ball, will soon choke on the carapace of a large beetle?

Or is it simply the prospect that somewhere, somehow, Max actually HAS a mother, all three hundred pounds of her, stuffed into brightly colored spandex, smoking through a case of cigs a day as she waits in line down at the local payday loan store for some fast cash to pay off her bar tab?

Perhaps I've just been reading too much Comics Curmudgeon lately.

Plenty of Money for Max

So, the city's making cutbacks and cutting salaries to squeak through the recession, right?

And yet there seems to be money to (a) buy a rubber suit that looks like MetroseXual Max, the androgynous figure created by Public Works to ensure work for Nor'Town Freudian psychiatrists for years to come, and (b) to pay a staffer to stuff themselves in the sweltering beast to attend ceremonies the primary purpose of which is to provide photo-ops for incumbents. (VewNews)

Don't believe it? Check out the pic.

Speaking of the man-bag bearing icon, you know that Activity Schedule you get every once and awhile from North Las Vegas?

Well, a couple of issues ago there was a "Max Action" comic about a couple of old geezers who hang out at the park and challenge out-of-shape teenage boys to various interesting games.

One panel weirded me out. One of the geezers looked kinda familiar.

So, I finally figured it out. He looks like "Herbert the Pervert" from Family Guy.

In the latest Guide, we learn that Maxaction wields a magic orb that will encircle the waist of its unhappy victim with a pink tutu. This all occurs at one of our public pools where, apparently, young men spend an inordinate amount of time watching each other "accidentally" lose their swim trunks.

Man-bags. Herbert the Pervert. Tutus. All I can say is that MetroSexual Max has a much more interesting sex life than I do.

MetroseXual MaX is back!

Just when you thought it was safe to open the Nor'Towner Recreation Guide, there he is. Right on the front cover. Man-bag at the ready. Stealth fighter shaped city logo plastered on his skinny chest.

Holy crap! It's MetroseXual MaX.

Now he's got a whole back story, too. Right there on page two of the Fall 2007 "Activity Guide":

"Meet MaXaction. MaXaction is an animated super hero who will represent the City of North Las Vegas, Parks and Recreation Department.

"Occupation: Son, student

"Interests: Basketball, skateboarding, BMX racing, foosball, snowboarding, and chess.

"Powers/Abilities: Born in the crater of a dormant volcano to superhero parents Aquamom and RC Man, MaXaction spent his early years as a kid who sat in front of the TV playing video games all day. One day he decided that it would be more fun to do the real thing. MaXaction has explosive jumping ability (fire shoots from his achilleas [sic] tendons through his heels). He carries a backpack full of “energy orbs” that when thrown can create whatever sports or play area MaX and his friends imagine."

Hmm. A man-bag full of balls. I'm not even gonna touch that. No doubt the kids will come up with plenty of jokes of their own about poor Max. Question is, will they be laughing with him, or at him, as our city fathers and mothers continue to confuse Nor'Town with a product to be sold, like hair spray or shampoo?

MetroseXual MaXaction: What's in that Purse?

The reporters over at the Las Vegas Review Journal amused themselves speculating about the contents of MaXaction's purse:

"But with everyone else seemingly weighing in, the Week in Review staff compiled its own list of what else MaXaction might be carrying in that purse, er, man-bag:

• "A spare pair of tights in case he gets a run.

• "An energy sphere that transports him throughout the valley so that he can explain: "It's not called 'Northtown,' it's North Las Vegas."

• "A secret compartment stuffed with trans-fat laden snacks.

• "A dog-eared copy of "How to Be a Superhero: Your Complete Guide to Finding a Secret Headquarters, Hiring a Sidekick, Thwarting the Forces of Evil, and Much More!!"

• "A magical sphere with the ability to instantly transport dozens of homeless men across the street so that they become Las Vegas' problem.

• "Payments for The Wall Street Journal to provide favorable coverage of North Las Vegas."

Most amusing, except for the glaring ignorance of calling Nor'town "Northtown." Here are a few more possibilities for the contents of Max's purse:

• A spray can of "mute gas" which renders Councilman Eliason voiceless every time he votes against an Olympia zoning change but doesn't want to say why.
• "Goofy-spheres": glass spheres that when dropped explode with a blinding light causing general stupefaction to bystanders.. Rumored to be the source of that blank stare in Shari Buck's official photo.
• A reader suggests that the bag "contains magic spheres of herbicide designed to eradicate the 'unnecessary' trees in Craig Ranch Park so that the City Council can fully develop its soccer field concept."
• Contains a jar of "prevarication cream" which, when spread on the tongue, causes a city council member to bemoan the loss of trees cut down because the council member voted for more soccer fields at Craig Ranch Park.
• Back issues of Cargo Magazine containing photos of David Beckham and plans to add a Metrosexual pride march to BalloonaPalooza.
• Little yellow stars to sew on to the clothing of North Las Vegas sex offenders.

MetroSexual MaXaction Hits the MSM

The North Las Vegas City Council tripped over it's marketing tool today. The RJ ran a story on MaXaction, the gender ambiguous cartoon character designed to sell city services to 'Tweens, that age group between 9-12, which, city publications inform us, have a  "high influence on family spending" and "exert more purchase influence in the family than ever before."

Hmm. Wonder why all the emphasis on spending and purchasing??

Taking a page out of just about every comic book in the last decade--or two--we find city leaders and concerned citizens debating whether MetroSexual MaXaction is a hero out to do good or a vigilante set on terrorizing the city.

Richard Cherchio supports the vigilante view:

"To me, it looks like he's running from the police after graffiti-ing someone's backyard," Cherchio said of MaXaction ... "It makes it look like it's OK to be flipping people off, answering back and throwing stuff out of the window just to be obnoxious." 

Cherchio, along with Councilman William Robinson, didn't quite know what to make of Maxie's purse satchel man-bag either. However, a spokesman for Parks and Recreation suggested that it contains magic, um, balls spheres, one of which may have been the source of that surprise fourth plan for the Craig Ranch Regional park snuck in during a hastily called special meeting of the city council:

[City spokester] Stritchko said the city logo-emblazoned bag MaXaction carries is full of magical energy spheres that can be used for "a multitude of different things" such as creating an impromptu soccer field.

Hmm. Magic spheres? That's not 'Tween slang for Meth is it?

And did you notice that Shari Buck and Richard Cherchio haven't taken down all their signs yet? I can't help wondering: has the race for Mayor already started, and will we see Cherchio matched against Buck again?

Hey Kids! Councilman Robertson was NOT the first to wonder about Maxie's purse.

Meet MaXaction!

The City Council will be unveiling the tyke to the left as their new kid-friendly logo for Parks and such at a special meeting of the city council. He's a "marketing tool" for "promoting programs that support key messages to promote active lifestyles, healthy nutrition, family unity, good sportsmanship, responsible citizenship, and develops self-esteem and community pride". (Promo)

All that in a cartoon character!

This is wrong on so many levels. First, it treats the city and its services like they were mere commodities to be advertised like mouth wash or deodorant soap--or to be bought and sold in the open market to the highest bidder. Government is our feeble attempt to live in a civilized fashion with our neighbors, not something to be sold to children like a pack of Camels.

It also seems to promote the idea that everything can be solved with marketing. Oh, yes, if we just had the right ad campaign, we can promote family unity and responsible citizenship!

What does "family unity" mean, anyway? Is the city promoting nice, little traditional heterosexual families? So if your gay, or divorced, or both--oops can't be both in liberty loving Nevada--you're not welcome in Nor'Town?

If the city council really wanted to promote sportsmanship and responsible citizenship, they wouldn't avoid debating their opponents in elections, or use cheap tricks to shut down opponents' campaigns. And they wouldn't take thousands of dollars over the legal campaign limit from the same casino owner and pretend they were running a clean campaign.

And what a great choice for a mascot for our diverse city! He's white! He's male! Didn't see that coming, did ya? What? Black girls can be superheroes?

At least the little purse Max is carrying is politically correct: he's either gay or metrosexual. Very hip, guys.