Vote Gibbons Out! Jim Gibbons is America's Worst Governor!

At Least He Didn't Remove His Pants

Ah, local TeeVee News. What would we do without you?

KTNV attached the following headline to a story about the nation's second most irrelevant Gube's overlooked tirades against the state system of hire ed--soon to be the state system of community colleges:

Governor removes dollars, gloves in higher education battle

Still, tho the higher ed system may be feeling a little like Chrissy Mazzeo at a Gib and Sig cocktail rave, at least they can count their blessings about the Gube's pants.

Bad Hair Day Gubelets

• After successfully completing his task of destroying the Republican party by scaring off donors, Senator John Ensign (R-Smith & Wesson) gets it into his overpermed head to export to the nation's capital Nevada's sorry record as being a top exporter of murderous weapons, by slipping into a bill that will allow Congressfolk from the District of Columbia to actually vote in Congress an amendment that would force the district to abandon it's tough gun laws. (NYT) Luckily for DC-oids, the House will pass a version of the bill without Hair Do's amendment and the conference committee that will hammer out the compromise version will clean the turd from the bill. You see, most people have the good sense to ignore the junior Senator from Nevada.
• Town idiots found to enjoy kissing state official's buttock. (Sun,VT&S)
• State sex offender selects sex offender to Chiropractic Board. (RJ)
• State sex offender just loves stimulus and can't wait to play with it. (RJ) Don't you wish Congress had picked some other word for the recovery package?
• Huh. The RJ has a link called "Gibbon's Scandal" that goes to a page called "Gibbons Incident," from which most of the old articles on the, um, Mazzeo groping are deleted. You know, for a bunch of blowhards who go on and on about press independence and freedom, they sure kowtow to a powerless pol a lot. Geez, guys, grow a pair.
• State idiot notes there is a recession. (AP)
• President calls state idiot's bluff. (RJ)
• Masochistic publisher wants to read Gibbers' emails. (AP,INP)
• Dog bites man. Gibbers screws Clark. (Sun)
• Oh yeah, this from Shelley Berkley: Congresswoman Shelley Berkley today called on Nevada Governor Jim Gibbons to take the steps needed to ensure that Clark County receives its fair share of road and highway funding from the federal stimulus package.  Nevada is eligible to receive more than $200 million for road work projects under the legislation.   Berkley ’s remarks follow the release this week of a document from state officials showing that Clark County would only receive 14% of transportation funding, despite being home to the majority of Silver State families. “Like all other Las Vegans, I was profoundly disappointed to see NDOT’s proposed distribution of discretionary stimulus funding by county.  I was assured by state officials in a face-to-face meeting in my Washington office just two days ago that Southern Nevada would get its rightful share of these valuable stimulus dollars for some of our many essential road projects.  What has been publicly disclosed is not what I was told and is simply not acceptable to me.  I will do everything in my power to ensure that Southern Nevada’s funding needs are met in all facets of the stimulus bill,” said Berkley. Ooo. She better watch out. The Board of Regents will be out to censure her!

What Really Killed Socks

Okay, okay. That really didn't kill Socks. He was lucky. He died of cancer, unlike Nevadans, who are choking on a double helping of goofballs fried in stupid.

Yes, the Guber and the Jolly Rogers went at it today like a couple of...um...mice. The Chancellor blasted away at Gibbers in the Nevada Appeal and on Pate to Pate. Oh, we've all read it before, six or seven times, but who can resist?

I am constantly confused by Jim Gibbons having become the governor of Nevada. What strange set of facts could possibly have come together to elect this man whose every characteristic supports one cause — Jim Gibbons. The man has absolutely no regard for the welfare of any other human being.

Rather than a governor, Nevadans elected an executioner. Did he snooker us all? Was he able to camouflage himself to such an extent and hide behind so many empty slogans that a majority of Nevada would vote for this man in the empty suit, for an ideology that has three simple words, “no new taxes”?

These words from Gibbons’ mouth represent a total lack of understanding of the purpose of government. His words also evidence no understanding of the devastation these three little words can cause. (NA,PtoP)

I suppose at this point I should categorically deny being Chancellor Jolly Rogers.

But one can only stare agog at the good Chancellor's confusion over the election. After all, he himself scratched out a $5000 check for the Elect Gibby Gubey campaign in 2006. What could have possessed him?

Gibbons is supported by Republican political heavyweight Sig Rogich, the power broker whose backing of Guinn was decisive eight years ago. "He's done a terrific job in Congress," Rogich said. "He's been innovative as a legislator here in Nevada. He's not afraid to stand up for what he believes in. ... (Through the initiative process) he's shown that he has the ability to be creative in government."

With Rogich's help, Gibbons has managed to reel in powerful players who didn't take kindly to him at first. University Chancellor Jim Rogers once said Gibbons was "not very bright," but in April, having junked his own gubernatorial ambitions, Rogers got onboard with Gibbons, giving him a $5,000 donation. (RJ)

Oh I see. That honey-tongued Siggy! Who can resist his lies? The stupefied rich in Nevada with wallets barely fatter than their heads will surely fall for his Siren song again! Sigor'll tell them that "Gibbons has done a terrific job as Governor!" and "He's been an innovative executive!" Oh, lie to us, Siggy! We love it so!

Naturally, the Gube responded to the Chancellor's tirade like a five year old. (Gube,VT&S) Somehow forgetting that Jolly Rogers has been sending him equally nasty notes over the past year, Gibbers had a tantrum and knocked the checkerboard over. He's refused to work with the Chancellor and wrote to the Board of Wimps to appoint a bodyguard to protect him from the mean old man picking on him. The Regents, being a bunch of, well, pussies, who are just biding their time until they can run for a real political office, ran to kiss the Gube's cuffs and beg his forgiveness. Like, um, well, a bunch of pussies.

Oh, sorry, Socks. Didn't mean to insult you like that.

Elsewhere: Damn those Dumbocrats! They snatched away the best environmental scribbler--Phoebe Sweet--on a Nevada newspaper, probably ever. (INP) Now who's going to keep us up-to-date on the nefarious doings of the coaltards?

And have you noticed all the AP-neutered folk fleeing the ink stained page for partisan yammering lately? Neff, Sweet. Only Hugh Jackman seems to be inching in the opposite direction.

Gibbons is Number One! Gubelets

• The number one must likely Gube to get his butt kicked in the next election, that is. (Fix,Ralston)
• Frightened and alone as the 20 percenters quietly desert him, the Gube lashed out at the Reid family juggernaut that is rattling down the road in his direction. Perversely, the Governor reportedly attacked Father Reid for providing the state with the Fed bailout Gibbers was begging for. Now, if that was Reid's "failure", what do you call the guy who asked for it? (Ralston) It would be interesting to know, too, if all that money Minime Reid is sucking out of the campaign is coming from Gibbers' old enablers. So, will Sheldon provide a bailout for the Gube? Or is he too busy bailing out himself?
• Wonder if Ralston is still giving Gibbers even odds? (Sun)
• Speaking of Sheldon, do you think he called up the Gube and reminded him, the Guv that is, who he really works for? Why else the Guv's sudden change of mind about that proposal to tax marker money early? (CGW)
• The Governor, who's cutting the guts out of state archives office and forced archivist Guy Rocha into retirement with budget cuts, is giving Guy his own day. (KTVN) Isn't that sweet? No doubt the $20.00 plaque the Gube's office will hand out on the occasion will say something to the effect "and don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out."
• Woah, Edra Blixseth, who tried to buy that software which then backbencher Gibbons allegedly tried to foist on the U.S. military by funnelling funds from the classified fed budget for it in exchange for a napkin hat, is on the lam. (NewWest,BDC) That's software is like that bit of evil in Time Bandits, ain't it?

No Contest

The Clark County Superintendent of Schools learned the hard way, today, that you can't win a "silly fight" with the Gube. (INP,INP) Walt Rulffes told legislators today that he'd take a 10 percent pay cut if the Guv would, too.

The Gube's talking head answered something to the effect s that the Superintendent was being silly and not taking the budget crisis seriously. It wasn't clear if the talking head was able to maintain a straight face while saying that, given the Gube's laughable budget and the Guv's eight hour work week.

The Gube seemed a little miffed, too, that he's making quite a bit less than the Super. And, for once, he had the germ of a good idea: everybody in state, county, or city gument making over $100K should take a 10% cut for each 100K they get. So, over a 100K, a 10% cut. Over 200K, 20% cut. Over 300K, 30%, etc.

Nah. Never happen. He'd never stand for that kind of cut to the Milf money.

Another Gube Campaign Slogan Idea

Oh, come on, Siggy! How can you resist that delicate, luscious ambrosial smell?

Too Busy Podcasting

Morning pape learns that the reason the nation's most disengaged Guv can't be bothered showing up to court to defend himself from charges of unwanted, drunken assault is that he's too busy. (Sun)

Doing what? Too busy speaking at partisan gatherings? Too busy fund raising for the pointless 2010 run?

Can somebody help me find where it says in the Nevada constitution that the Gube is supposed to be spending his days preening in front of a webcam for his daily pseudopod-cast? Can't he find a bill to veto or something?

And hey, know how to rile up a shyster? Cut him off from the Gibbons' legal defense slush fund. "[Gibbons' ex-consigliere] Campbell contends he was brought in as a defendant so he wouldn’t be able to represent Gibbons in the case." Hey, there a recession on! A fellow's got to work!

Elsewhere, Gibbons apparently missed the lecture at Rove Wingnut Summer Camp in which budding loonies learn that once you give money to government, you never get it back, no matter what they say. (Sun)

Cougar Hunting Gublets

• And I don't mean the dessicated divorcées the Guv chases at rodeos, either. The Gube's gun happy appointees on Nevada Venison Commission can't wait to plug some mountain lions cuz they think the cats are cutting into the deer kill, dag blast 'em. (AP)
• Ah, the Lincoln Day dinner, where out-of-touch, 20 percenter Republitarians go to whine about how they miss the good old days of the gold standard and what a liberal wimp old Abe was. At this year's meetin', the Guv was snifflin' that the Fed bailout--which he begged any Democrat that would listen to support and will probably save him from getting impeached, if not lynched outright for his DOA budget--had too many strings attached because the state never taxed anyone enough to meet citizens' basic needs, partially because of Gibbons' anti-gument tirades and the nutty 2/3rd majority tax bill he crammed down the legislature's throat. So, here we have an anti-big government big mouth complaining because the Feds are trying to spend taxpayers' grandkids' money on states that have the infrastructure to do something useful with the funds instead of wasting 'em on the one state that is the nation's equivalent of an unwed, pregnant, toothless, five-dollar, high-school dropout, welfare crack whore. (NevApp) Man, these Republitarians have really lost their way. The Gipper would know what to do with them deadbeat welfare moms. Punch 'em out, he would.
• Okay, maybe not keep him from gettin' lynched in 2-aught-10: "As for Gibbons, who may still be fantasizing about reelection, the stimulus may solve his budget problems but exacerbate his political worries. All he had left was chanting “no new taxes” and setting the liberal, big-spending Legislature up as a foil to try to boost his numbers for reelection. But if the Democrats decide to forgo their taxing plans, Gibbons will have no one to attack and no overridden veto to brandish as a badge of anti-tax honor." (RalSun)
• You know, Gibbons should not be allowed to attend those L-day dinners. They keep him up way too late, and he gets confused. He thinks the rest of us want to hear those tired canards that excite those Tahoe 20-percenters.  (Sun)
• Another reason to smash your iPod.(Gube) Let's see, the guy that is planning to decimate Nevada's efforts against Yucca Mountain by underfunding the anti-nuke office and placing an pro-Yucca puppet on the Nye County Commission thinks Obama may be soft on Yucca. Man, almost makes you wish Steve Jobs had never been born.
• Paper discovers the 10,234th official who is not on speaking terms with the Guv: '"The governor and I have not had an opportunity to talk,” said [Bob] Hadfield [former director of the, who knew, Nevada Association of Counties]. “We’re not on speaking terms.” “Ditto,” said Nye Commission Chairman Joni Eastley.' That's all in the context of the Governor's clever plan to burn down Nevada forests and half a Tahoe with them. (TahoeBanana)
• Ugh. Ralston's flashing that Minime Reid's got over $300,000 in money from the usual suspects for his gube run. Looks like that win in 2010's gonna be an ugly one.

Multi-Personality Gubelets

• Further evidence for the hypothesis that the governor suffers from multiple-idiot disorder arrives today as we learn a gube advisor has been trying to patch things up between the Chancellor and the Rube just about the same time as the Guv "cast" his Higher Ed pseudopod-"cast" snuff flick. (Sun)
• Etymologists/entomologists will note the proper hyphenation of the term pseudopod-cast.
• WaPo reports scummy employers trying to kill unemployment payments to former oppressed workers. (WaPo)
• Spy boss fears bad economy will turn Americans into rabid, Marxist-spouting hordes who may want to mess with The Man. Members of world's most elite club shudder in their Italian leather boots and wonder, where is J. Edgar when you need him? (NYT) Or Osama, for that matter.
• Governor tries to get a chapter in classic text "How to Lie With Statistics" while wondering why poor people aren''t fatter given they spend so much of their money on food. (LVG,LVG)
• Maglev train from Vegas to Kalifonie gets porked in back room.(RJ)

Area Man Degrades Video Dating Site

This is just too funny. After I and some guy over at the Sun noted that the Gube's "podcast" was neither a cast nor very podlike, the taxpayer-funded Gube site has gone to the trouble of offering the pseudopodcasts in MPEG4 format.

Now, I'm pretty sure that the Governor's staff doesn't read the Sun anymore, else they would have to read Jon Ralston, who seems to be taking the not unreasonable position that the state's highest constitutional office is, for all intents an purposes--other than psuedopodcasting, of course--currently empty. (Sun,Flash)

And since the voices in my head whisper to me that some poor staff member has been tasked with reading this blog ever since the Gibbers warmed the eTreppid-endowed chair on the House Intelligence Committee, I take full credit for the machinations on the Gube's website. And like the Gube, I'll take credit even if credit isn't due.

Yes, dream on, Coolican, that you, too, may some day have such influence over the paranoia in the Carson City manse.

However, the latest pseudopodcast has definitely taken a turn for the worse in that the Gube has abandoned his trademark mock turtle! How does he expect to capture one of those shriveled Tahoe Cougars without the turtle?

Oh, you wonder what the pseudopodcast was about? Some sort of whiny tirade about Higher Ed folk ignoring his budget along with everybody else and they don't treat him as if he were dictator of Higher Education. He seems upset that they have some funny notion that the Board of Regents and their appointed Chancellor is their boss and not him. (Sun)

What? You don't expect me to actually pay attention to the damn thing, do you?

Elsewhere, a goofball up North is trying to win this year's Most Gibbonslike Legislator Award for 2009. Ty Cobb is trying to impress girls with his bank account and has decided that Southern Nevada can become a nuclear waste pit for all he cares, just so long as he gets a cut of the Fed hush money. Funny, how easy it is for the Norteños to push Yucca on the rest of us. Perhaps some of our local casino overlords should point out the error of his ways by cutting off his campaign funds.

Yeh, fat chance.

Oh, and you didn't really think those coal-fired plants were going away, did you? (VT&S)

Ugh. This is creepy--Dawn's still front and center on the pic hovering over the official Gube bio.