Vote Gibbons Out! Jim Gibbons is America's Worst Governor!

Rebuffed Gøøblets

• Governnot Gibbers ruins a perfectly good morning by giving more or less the same speech he practiced before a horrified SAGE committee meeting last week. (INP,Sun) Threatens to cut everything unless Nevadans promise to reelect him in 2010. Hey, we don't negotiate with terrorists idiots, do we?
• When asked why he refuses to work with the Legislature, instead of offering up the obvious reasons that (a) it would only make things worse, and (b) it's a cheap trick allowing him to pretend he'd never raise taxes (except for the room tax and county taxes) to the 20 percenters who are no doubt realizing he's even too nutty for them to vote for, the Guv blames it all on the only guy with any power in Carson who used to have some sympathy for him, and is the only guy who respects the office of Governnot anymore: pal Raggio. Apparently Gibbons and the crack Guv team couldn't think of any other legislator to talk to.
• No, Ty Cobb, Jr. doesn't count.
• Gibbons has a senior Gibbons' moment when trying to take a non-position on a Washoe gas tax. (INP) Really. When will reporters learn not to ask him questions before his nap?
• Huh. Does anybody even bother to read the RJ anymore? I suppose the best response would be: eh, why?

Gibbons Country: No, It's a Douche Bag

 
Click the image for a close up.

Oh, in case you missed the teabag rant, go here.

[UPDATES: RJ gets one right. I mean, correct. They're always right. Way right. (RJ)

Gibbers appears to be going nuts as he spewed mindless venom at last week SAGE meeting. (Sun) Could he really be cracking up under the pressure of the divorce, the gaffes, and the gradual realization that he's a one-term wonder?]

Just A Little Misunderstanding

Yes, it looks like "misunderstanding" was the word of the day after Midnight Jim's Night Out.

Everybody was using it. The sheriff who was taking more calls from the Guber and his handler-in-chief than a gøøbernatorial sexting victim, and the false friend who was pressuring the Gube's lust-object to say it, too:

But in her affidavit, Mazzeo referred to a set of intriguing circumstances in the hours after her 2006 encounter with Gibbons that she contends bolsters her case.

Mazzeo alleges that Mossett-Puhek tried to persuade her to stop pursuing charges against Gibbons and tell police the incident was nothing but a “misunderstanding.”

The afternoon after the incident, Mazzeo wrote, she did tell police she no longer wanted to press charges, and the next day Young was quoted in the Las Vegas Review-Journal as saying, “No crime occurred. It’s just a misunderstanding.” (Sun)

It's almost as if a highly skilled political operative were feeding everyone a set of talking points in an orchestrated attempt to quash the incident in the midst of a heated campaign. You know, if only there were someone like that involved in the incident, why, it would sure explain a lot.

HA!

Nevada first lady Dawn Gibbons has been proudly sporting a new accessory since a recent divorce filing by her estranged husband, Gov. Jim Gibbons, who in court documents compared her to an "enraged ferret."

She's been seen with a ferret pin on her lapel, and she's also been seen at the Carson City gym wearing a T-shirt featuring her favorite furry mascot with the words: "Real Men Love Ferrets." She's in town Saturday for the Heart Ball at Planet Hollywood Resort. (NORM!)

I hereby aplogize for my rude remarks about Dawn's wardrobe. Apparently she's making changes for the better.

And She's Looking Absolutely FABULOUS, Too

Kudos to the Dawnster for stabbing the old ball-and-chain in the back by endorsing the domestic partners benefits bill, which is probably doomed to die an ignominious death at the pen of her worser half. (Eyeball,RJ)

And yes that is the correct form of the comparative of "bad' when used in a sentence with Nevada's very own gøøbernatorial ball-and-chain. 

Still...Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. Please do us a favor and shoot your seamstress. That red thing and the inauguration armani rag, well, girl, it's time for that divorce makeover!

Elsewhere, Nevada's ball-and-chain was singularly impressed by a phone call from the Vice President, today. Check out the "artist's" rendition of the event, below.

I still suspect Mr. Biden probably just mis-dialed.

Heh. "Mis-dialed." Dates me, don't it?

Still, the Vice President will surely regret giving his phone number out to the Gube. You know: death by text messaging.

Say, do you think the People of Nevada could hire Cal Dunlap to get us a divorce from the Gube?

He can have the kids, but we definitely want the house back.

People do love to make fun of the Gibber's plagiarized slogan, don't they? (RJ) I kinda like this one from Richard Secrist on Progress Now: "The People of Nevada deserve a governor who serves the people, not a governor getting serviced."

Hmm. Apparently Gibber's paramours were in fact deposed but we don't get to see what they said. Drat. (Norm!) Man, where are the amoral paparazzi who knew how to bribe a court official when you need them?

Textually Active Gøøblets

• Well, add the above to the growing list of bad ideas for campaign slogans in the 2010 Gube race. (AP)
• "Textually active" is officially in the unofficial urban dictionary, where, among other definitions, one finds "Someone who texts more than they breed breath." (UD) Oddly, one doesn't find the present guv's pic next to entry, despite his still being textually active.
• Flip flop of the week: First the Gibbers wasn't going to apply for stimulus funds, but then the legislature kicked his butt on the issue. (AP) After finally coming up with the idea to call Washington to find out if he could apply for stimulus funds despite the unlikelihood of meeting requirements, the Gube had someone call up Washington and finds out, yes, goofball, you can apply. So he does. Or Clinger does. Or somebody does. It's just really hard to fit all that stuff into an eight hour work week. Now, is that a flip-flop or a retreat?
• Everybody's looking to spice up that new banner over the Gube's office. (RJ,ProgNow) Well, you saw mine already. My current question is, given that Gube staff are falling over themselves to tell us that the slogan on the banner is NOT an original product of the Gøøber's addled brain, but rather some tired canard from the political-crony, rubber-chicken circuit, why then does the banner explicitly attribute the quote to the Governor? Doesn't the sign perhaps violate statutes governing the standards of signage on public buildings? Surely one cannot post a plaque with the Gettysburg address on the Carson Legislature building and then attribute it to, say, Ty Cobb, Jr. Sounds like the sort of thing one would ask a legislative aid to look into....
• Jon Ralston builds a nightmare scenario--or Gibbers' wet dream--around that infamous slogan on that banner. (Sun) Okay, okay. Maybe "Gibbers' wet dream" is off the mark. That would have something more to do with some MILF's, a blackberry, and Nancy Reagan in a corset brandishing a whip. Nonetheless, Ralston's column tries to explain the stratigery behind the Gube's insistence on doing nothing during the budget process. Basically the idea is that the Governor simply sit back and do nothing while the Legislature rushes towards its usual train wreck. Nothing, that is, but mumble "no new taxes" and repeat his plagiarized slogan now and again. Unfortunately the folks he's catering too don't care that the Governor's inaction will doom the state to at least two more years of economic collapse and to further erosion of an already non-existent infrastructure. They won't care about crumbling schools, no jobs, crappy roads, etc. They only care that their taxes don't go up, including, bizarrely, the taxes they WOULD have to pay if by some completely unlikely event they fell through a wormhole into an alternate universe in which they were multimillionaires. The cyclopean paranoia of the 20-percenters coupled with the grotesquely unfair advantage that incumbents have in Nevada could propel the Guber into a second term. However, the scenario overlooks several factors. First, Gibbons will gaffe again. Perhaps a judge will require past paramours to testify under oath about their relations with Midnight Jim. Perhaps embarrassing gubernatorial tweats will appear on the Internets. Perhaps Gibbons will file for domestic-partner benefits for his Venezuelan massage-boy, Paco. (Hey, give me a break. You know it's impossible to predict a Gibbers' gaffe.) Second, the Reid Family Trust, which has proven its skill at prying out entrenched incumbents like Bob Beers and Joe Heck, is sharpening its tools in preparation for taking out Gibbers. In fact, the Gube stratigery might prove most deadly to Barbara Buckley's gube ambitions, but it leaves Minime Rory Reid untouched. He only has the blessing, and curse, of all that name recognition he's got. Nonetheless, no one should take the Gøøber's demise as a given. Be prepared for lots of hard work ahead.
• Huh. I guess Molly Ball is simply cutting and pasting Dan Burn's memos now. (RJ) I certainly find that cutting and pasting speeds up my work, too.

Amen To That: More Campaign Ads

So, the Gøøber had this brainy idea of how to spend some of that taxpayer money he claims he just hates to spend and that he says he doesn't want anymore of. He gathered up some of those state employees he loves to hate and hopes to fire, and had them print him up a sign. Then he had them post it over the door to his office in the capitol.

Frankly, I agree with what it says. It says: "the People of Nevada deserve a Government that works for them, not against them." (INP)

Yup. It clearly entails, too, that the current occupant of the Gubernatorial manse should be replaced. Very helpful of the Gibbers to point that out for us.

Course, he probably hasn't seen it yet, given his antipathy for actually going to the office. And what's with capitalizing the word "Government"? That's seems odd for somebody who dislikes it so much.

It also looks suspiciously like a campaign sign, so you'd think he'd be pulling the funds out of the Sands' slushfund instead of handing the bill to the People of Nevada he claims to be serving. And capitalizing.

Yup. We certainly deserve better government, all righty. And I took the liberty to fix up that slogan a little, too. I just, well, couldn't believe in it.

If the "original" sounds like it isn't, well, Bill Clinton, off all people, said something similar once.

Our people are pleading for change, but government is in the way.
It has been hijacked by privileged, private interests. It has
forgotten who really pays the bills around here -- it's taking more
of your money and giving you less in return.

We have got to go beyond the brain-dead politics in Washington, and
give our people the kind of government they deserve: a government
that works for them. (scepticfiles)

You didn't really expect originality from Mr. Plagiarism, did ya?

Gibbons did come up with a better slogan more consistent with his "gosh I learned an important lesson, never to offer a helping hand to anybody ever again" philosophy the other day.

 

Besides, that "I just don't believe in it,"  said of benefits to domestic partners and hence equal rights in general, sounds more Gibbonsie. (RJ) You know, more "them vs. us-ie."

That crack re-elect the goober team should fire Dan Burns or whoever came up with that lame-o sign over the GIbbers' office door. "I just don't believe in it" is THE Gibbers' core message. None of that Government with a capital "G" crap. Besides, "I just don't believe in it" will put the Gube in lock-step with the secessionists and other treasonous tea-baggers running the Republican party these days.

The duly elected government of the United States of America and the Constitution. They just don't believe in it.

This just in, about 24 hours ago: Gibbons' skips work again:

Gov. Jim Gibbons, who defeated [Congressgal Dina] Titus in his 2006 bid for the Governor’s Mansion, didn’t attend her address, electing instead to go to the dedication of a geothermal project in Fallon.

Asked whether she took offense at the governor’s absence, Titus said she hadn’t expected him to be there.

“He’s probably busy trying to find something to do with all those Easter eggs he has left over,” she quipped, referring to a Las Vegas Sun report this week that thousands of wooden eggs were left over from a poorly attended Easter celebration at the Governor’s Mansion. (Sun)

ALERT! ALERT! For the love of God and all that is Holy, do not, repeat, NOT, turn on the TV tomorrow morning! If you love your children, keep them away!! (Fox5)

Huh. The Gøøb must be getting worried about the election to be granting interviews again. He hasn't made the circuit since he was doing damage control right after he announced the divorce a year or so ago. Usually he just curses and spits at the press from a distance.

Lame Duck Lame Duck Gøøblets Gøøblets

The Nevada Division of Repetitive Images offers up the above pic of a lame duck x 2. Readers are invited to guess which one is in fact the Governor of the State.

Yes, you are allowed two guesses.

I could have gone with the creepy pic of the Goober and the Easter Bunny, but even I have standards.

Apparently the Annual Gube Easter Party couldn't entice even the most desperately lonely child to hunt for eggs with the wannabe single Guber.(Sun) Bonus points to guv-spokster Mendy Eliott, tho, for blaming that balmy 80-degree weather for the low turnout. Bonus points to me for not saying the hunt laid an egg. D'oh!

Elsewhere:

• Gibbons must be cruising for some Ziser money for the old campaign fund cuz he's saying he won't sign the bill giving benefits to domestic partners. (Sun,Gleaner) Gibbons has been playing hot potato with the issue forever. Back in June 'O8 Gib-spokester Ben Kickheifer was telling us that Gibbers had "not yet taken a position on the policy issue" though he didn't include the benefits in the budget. (RJ) No, nobody has yet figured out what that means or what "policy issue" was at stake. I suspect that's just code for Ziserites that--nudge, nudge, wink, wink--the gube is agin givin' money to gays but he'll be damned if he'll say it publicly.
• Go, Ben, Go! (INP) We haven't seen the last of the little guy, and I can reuse the pics. Yay! But, uh, didn't Anjeanette spell that name wrong?
• Gibbons breaks away from the afternoon nap to accuse the Legislature of not working hard enough to fix the screwed-up budget he threw at them. (INP)
• Huh. Conservative constitutional scholar says Nevada is screwed because its stupid fourteenth century constitution would allow a complete idiot in the Gube's office to run it into the ground. Well, maybe, but can he offer any empirical evidence for that thesis? Well, can he? (Sun)
• Gibbons' didn't really mean it, item #10,289: Gibbers'll ignore citizen mandates for raising taxes whenever he feels like it, thank you very much. (INP)
  

Another Campaign Ad Suggestion

Hey, now there's a catchy slogan! Pulled from those divorce papers where the Hunter Thompson wannabe who's running the Gube's unadulterated divorce case noted:

"...the Governor is an at-will servant of a notoriously fickle employer who is currently in no mood for forgiveness or tolerance.” (Sun)

Hey, right back at you, Guv!

Well, you'd be fickle, too, if you had seen what the Gube wants to do to ya.

The only problem with the ad is, well, it stretches the truth a might, what with that busy calendar of his.

Hey, Siggy! Check out my other ads! Uh. You're still working for the Gibbers' team, ain't ya?

Elsewhere:

• Harry Reid reminds Nevadans of an uncomfortable, embarrassing truth: Jim Gibbons is, at least on paper, still Governor of the State. (RJ)
• Was the LDS mayor and gube-wannabe from Nor'Town sponsoring unsanctified sauce for tipsy Republican women? Inquiring minds want to know! (RJ) Okay, not really.
• Joe and Mike pretend they can win. (KNPR) Godspeed, fellas! Suck up some of that Sands' money, will ya?
• Sharron Angle? Sharron Angle and Krolicki Minime? That's what the state Republicans plan to run against Harry Reid? (Sun) Have you guys simply given up?

Assadavit

Huh. I was reading over a Ralstonian Flashy wherein Ralston was reading over the Guber's affadavit looking for the juicy bits. However, he said he was skipping the really good stuff, and he'd leave it to some real slimebag to dig up the real nasty.

So, I looked in the mirror and said, "Hey Slimebag, time to get to work."

First off, anybody notice that the GIbberses' lawyers aren't arguing over whether Gibbons had sex with Sext-Lady or Rodeo-Playmate? Nope. Apparently in Nevada, sex is not relevant to adultery, only the spending of common money or property on the sex object. What the ambulance-chasers call "waste". The Gube's attorneys argue that Dawn had her nose in the books and can't prove that the Gube was spending any money, or "waste," on his ladies.

However, those lawyers do love to keep repeating that any sex with the ladies is irrelevant. And, presumably, not a waste.

Note how careful they are: the lawyers claim that Dawn has been unable to find any women who will swear that the Governor bought them a "mink or a rolex." But a non-spousal woman who's been groped by the Gube? Hey, I know of at least one they could look up. Probably be happy to testify, too. Gropes in a garage count, right?

Now, in the papes the Gube denies any diddling. But under oath...well, hey, that's irrelevant without the receipts!

Bear in mind that the goal of the Gube's mouthpieces in that particular doc is to try and keep Sext-Lady and Rodeo-Lady out of court and a far piece from any Bibles. Fact is, they may not have gotten any glitzy gifts from the Gube, but if any of the ladies admits under oath to non-spousal humping with the Hef-wannabe, Gibbons' miniscule chances for reelection go to zero.

Oh, as for affairs without gifts--pardon me, "waste": Gibbers' Shylock says that they are "pitiful" and the poor suckers out groping the non-spousal gals without any dough are often seeking "succor" not sex.

Brings a tear to the eye, don't it? But why bring it up in the document at all, if the Gube's never had any of that non-spousal "succor"? Eh?

Yes, oh, yes. That'd be irrelevant. To the divorce case--not to the election.

Elsewhere:

• "One Sound State" sounds like one screwed state. (RN&R)
• Oh, just ignore the drivel from the Gube's office reprinted in the Lincoln County Times, but check out that banner. Easter on acid! (LCT)
• Speaking of acid, it seems that Hunter Thompson, the only famous writer to stumble into Nor'Town and get stoned enough to live to tell the tale, is a favorite author of the Gube's Shylock. (Sun) You know, the guy who wrote the assadavit. I thought I noted a gonzo-like tinge to his prose.
• Sext Lady says there was no sexting between her and the Gube, but there's still texting. (VT&S)
• Utah's worried it will become a dust bowl if Las Vegas steals its water. (CW)
• Colorado teen wins "Gibbons' Iron Thumb" award. (DP)