Nevada Republicans Need to Embrace Their Inner Gibbons

 
Ah, yes, the only readable bit of the Sunday Review Journal--the Reporter's Notebook--had this quote from the ex-mayor of Nor'Town and Gubewannabe Mike Montandon:

"Whenever I go to Republican events, people walk up to me and say, 'If you can keep your pants on ...' They want to support somebody that they feel is not going to let them down." (RJ)

Er...not going to let down his pants?

Huh. Apparently simple mastery of button and/or zipper technology will be the key issue of the Nevada Gubernatorial Republican Primary. Talk about lowered expectations.

Still, I simply can't support Montandon, Joe Heck, or Bob Cashell for the Republican Primary. Not that I'd get to vote. They'd bludgeon me if they saw me coming to a primary meeting.

Nope. For the Republican primary I must throw my whole-hearted support, or my meager, pointless support (you pick), for Governor James Tiberius Gibbons.

What? you say. The 'Monger supports Gibbers?

You bet--for the Republican primary. No, I'm not just saying that because then the most vulnerable candidate since Joe Smith ran for prez will be set up for an easy knock-out punch in the general.

Well, okay, I'm mostly saying it for that reason. But, still, Jim Gibbons represents core values of the Republican party that the rest of the half-baked wannabes will only dilute and pollute. To wit:

• Hypocrisy: Who else could blather on about how gay-rights will destroy marriage while trying to worm out of perfectly good loveless, politically-based wedded bliss? Shoot, Dawn would have probably been perfectly content to let horndog Gibbers do all the MILF-prowling he could possibly want if only he had kept pretending to honor his marital vows--and scoring free ocean cruise tickets. Say, I guess all that counts, too, for another Republican value:
• Stupidity. Hey, he still thinks he can win. He gropes non-spousal MILFs at the Rodeo in front of witnesses. He has trouble completing sentences. Sheesh, even his stupid's stupid.
  
• Even More Hypocrisy: Who else could keep saying he's against new taxes after including a room tax increase in his own budget?
• Incompetence. Who else could so completely lose control of a Legislature through mismanagement and indolence? Besides that actor in California, I mean?
• Goofy. Come on. He's the poster boy of silly politics.
  

So, you need someone to lead the party of Larry Craig, Dick Cheney, Mark Sanford, and Rush Limbaugh in Nevada? Why, he's already there!

Vote Jim Gibbons for Governor--in the Republican Primary!!

Elsewhere:. I vaguely remember some folk talking about impeaching and recalling the Gube a while ago--tho I suppose we have to grant the point of a local pundit that nobody prominent ever called on the Gøøber to resign. Nope. Just riffraff. Nobody prominent.