Vote Gibbons Out! Jim Gibbons is America's Worst Governor!

2008: This Year in Gibstory: Goofy Down to the WIre December

December 2008. The worst thing about Gibstory is that it never seems to end. Gibbons starts off December by announcing he'll waste over $20,000 so that he can parade his empty proposals for drowning Nevada at a State of the State he could very well hold at the beginning of the regular legislative session because nobody will be paying attention anyway. Prez elect wisely keeps Gube at arm's length. Idiot judge doesn't seem to understand that the Gube's emails, typed on a state computer using the state email systerm are owned by us, not him, and not the Gube. Say, didn't we have more than one of them special sessions this year? Governor proposes strangling the state before drowning it in an ideological bathtub. Gee, what if the Governor violated Nevada law and nobody noticed?

It must be really lonely being Ty Cobb. He tried to make the wingnut party even wingnuttier, and nobody wanted to play. Nevada's Mortgage Lending Division, led by a failed mortgage broker, fails some more. Governor feels left out by not being invited to Harry Reid's alternative energy thingies and holds his own out of spite. Attorney for staffer that kept the state OSHA office from throwing the book at Gibbons' contributors for allegedly running killer construction sites announces that the staffer is "vindicated" from any cronyism. Gube office later announces that, well, her lawyer saying that really doesn't mean anything. So, when do they make the same announcement about Abbe Lowell's "vindication" of the Gube? Governor pointlessly and illegally appoints a new tourism director, an action that is summarily ignored by the commission that really has the authority to make the appointment.

And this just in: Gube is cooing with joy at the prospect of insuring that police, firefolk, and university perfessers have jobs with shitty benefits just like the private sectors minions who work for the corporate overlords on the SAGE commission. Why, he seems to be enjoying the prospect almost as much as mauling a MILF at a parking garage or rodeo:

Gibbons stated that he considered the report "extremely valuable" given Nevada's economic problems. He added the report "fits perfectly with my efforts to streamline Nevada government to make it smaller and more responsive to the needs of our citizens."

Hmm. Like he's responsive to their daycare, educational, safety and healthcare needs?? By cutting them all to the bone?

Who would you pick to be anti-Yucca spokester for the state? A sportscaster with moderate support from the anti-nuke commission or one of two laywers with experience in energy or environmental law and unanimous support of the commission? If you said "the sportscaster," then you might be gube of Nevada one day. In other words, the Gube picked the commission's third and last choice.

 

Ooo. Lookee! If you don't have a calendar yet, why not spend that Nevada unemployment check on a Gibbons' Country 2009 Gube-On-A-Stick Calendar O'Gaffyness? It contains twelve reprints of this past year's Gibbons' Country! Amaze your friends by explaining the obscure jokes only media elites could possibly comprehend! Try to figure out what those funny white circles are that sit on the heads of the Gube's minions! Look up the correct spelling of hepatitis! And why IS Damon wearing green?

All you state workers will want a Luv Guv calendar to grace your gloomy cubicles! Don't forget that perennial favorite, the Napkinhead calendar!

Hey, come on! We gotta comsume ourselves out of this recession! It's the American way!

2008: This Year in Gibstory: November is FBI Rumormongering Month

November 2008. Gibbons' lawyer Abbe Lowell reports that the FBI has dropped its investigation into Gibbons' shady dealings with William Trepp. Almost everybody believes him--despite the unlikelihood that the FBI would ever share the status of an investigation with the primary suspect's Shylock. The announcement is greeted by an incoherent, paranoic outburst from the Gube.

November election makes the Nevada Republican party look as dead as the Whigs. What to do now? Sell the party to the Nuclear Energy Institute? Change the spelling to Republikkkan? Sip Ty Cobb joyjuice?

Sniff! We won't have Bob and Jon and Joe to kick around anymore? How about a run for the Gube primary, guys? Join the ton o' folks already plotting a run in the 2010 Gubeathon.

Gibbers, in perhaps the lamest attempt at partisan posturing, mumbles something to the effect that having more Democrats in Congress may hurt Nevada's share of Homeland Security funds. No, nobody has quite figured out what that was all about. In fact, you'd think having Nevada Democrats back east cozying up to a Democratic prez in the middle of a Democratic Congress would increase chances for Nevada Homeland Security earmarks. Huh. I guess Mr. Blackbudget Earmarks hisself has already forgotten how that works.

Finally, Gibbons wears out yet another press secretary.

The rest of the Gibstory here.

2008: This Year in Gibstory: October Means Chrissy's Baaaack

October 2008. Ah, October! What a busy month for the Governor. As the mortgage meltdown worsened he was first in line to take credit for stuff he went out of his way not to do. Gube makes trip back east to slow glacial EPA efforts to protect prairie grouse--and to nose around the FBI about that investigation into Treppgate. Chrissy Mazzeo brings suit against just about everybody who bungled and/or covered up the investigation into the Gube's gropefest near McCormick and Smick's. Gibbons is sued by a budget office employee over wrongful dismissal. The ex-employee complained she was fired for revealing the Gube's cell phone records wherein the bazzillion or so text-messages to a harassed Mazzeo lookalike showed up. And for having to witness budget boss Clinger in flagrante delicto with his better half at the office. Yuck. That woman deserves combat pay.

I'm still waiting for a call from Dan Burns about some nifty concepts I have for the 2010 campaign, based on the best line of non-plagiarized oratory ever to allegedly ooze past the Gibbers' lips. Come on, Dan. It's better than anything Uithoven's got.

2008: This Year in Gibstory: September

September 2008. Gube sends extremist hunter buds to run the Nevada Wilderness Commission. Gibbons screws up the cover up for kicking folks of the Nevada benefits board who are in favor of benefits to domestic partners by picking replacements who can't legally serve. Ethics commission doesn't see anything wrong with a Governor using a member of the Tax Commission to strong arm an assessor for a tax break. All of which makes us wonder if we care about the Ethics Commission's impending death at the hands of a corrupt politician. Perhaps the death it deserves? The fracas over Nevada's Nuke Waste guy, Bob Loux, playing around with state money makes everyone wonder if the Gube will back off his stance against Yucca. And given that the state Republican party is so broke that it's trying to tap into all that Nuke industry campaign money a former Nevada Gube is dangling in front of them like meat before a starving dog, we're all still wondering the same thing. Their campaign finance reports, due in mid-January, will make interesting, if not radioactive, reading.

2008: This Year in Gibstory: August

August 2008. Gibbers joins the global war on gays and tries to remove two members of the Public Employees Retirement board cuz they favor benefits for gay partners. And if you're still wondering why McCain lost Nevada despite having the wisdom to keep as far away as possible from our politically poisonous Guv, just remind yourself who was on McCain's steering committee for the state. The guy running that committee, we just recently learned, has a very novel way of managing funds. Gibbers McCoalturd was not invited to a conference on alternative energy because, well, ooal really isn't much of an alternative energy, now is it? For one brief day a poll claims Gibbers was only despised by 60% of the state. The next day, reality is restored as we learn that, no, it's closer to the 80% we're used to.

2008: This Year in Gibstory: July is Elko Cow Condo Month

July 2008. Governor says kids take the romance out of a relationship in what is perhaps the lamest attempt at covering up a bunny grope. Nevada Republican noise machine declares Gube resurrected, just weeks after the bunny grope and the text messaging. And just a few weeks before the story breaks that the Governor set Tax Commissioner John Marvel on to an Elko tax official to strong-arm a tax break on a piece of Elko land that wouldn't support a gopher, let alone 10,000 head of cattle. We learn that the Governor has two signatures, one for official documents and one for suspicious canceled checks for Elko land he supposedly purchased and didn't accept as a cheesy political gift. Prison system poobah jokes that maybe the state prison system should stop feeding prisoners to save money. Assemblyguy James Settelmeyer apparently  didn't think he was joking.

2008: This Year in GIbstory: Text-Messaging in June

June 2008. Lt. Gube floats dumb idea which, by the way, he has submitted to the upcoming legislature to be made into law. It's called AB91. Dumb in Nevada is like mold. You never really get rid of it, and it's always growing in wet, dark places. Like the Lt. Gube's office.

Dennis Myers wonders if the Gube's rather talkative way of keeping quiet about the divorce is just his way of trying to control the story. Billy Bob Raggio was giving the Gube an "A" for effort in June. Wonder what kinda grade he'd hand him now?

Holy crap!?! Gube text-messages married Mazzeo lookalike on a state phone over and over and over again? So much so that he appeared to be stalking her? And then he claimed he was seeking tax advice from her? Come on! It's like those moon missions! Never happened. Right? Say, better call a special session of the legislature as a distraction right? Just don't call the Assembly Spokestress a "moron" while you're at it. Oh, whoops!

Man, the only thing that could possibly make this June weirder is if pictures of the Gube groping a married foremer Playmate at a rodeo surfaced. Oh my God!!

2008: This Year in Gibstory: May Sours

May 2008. FIrst co-conspirator goes public and starts up one of the nastiest divorce spats Nevadans have ever endured. Ever generous, the Gube proposes that Dawn pay all the lawyer fees for the divorce he instigated and never gave any reason for. Dawn's counter proposal is to permanently boot the Gube out of the manse. Finally, like only Nixon can go to China, only the Elko paper could call the Gube a jerk for the way he was handling a divorce and skeer the bajeebers out of the Goober. The Gube runs off to Iraq for some conveniently timed self-flag-wrapping. Meanwhile, more rumors of the Gube palling around with a married Chrissy Mazzeo lookalike about the time he decided to dump Dawn.

Coming Monday: Text-messaging in June.

2008: This Year in Gibstory: April Showers

April 2008. Really smart guy writes the Gube to tell him he's a coalturd. Ugh! What s a scary pic. GIbbons uses influence to get around Nevada gun laws. Turns out that Dawn booted Gibbers out of the manse, and that his not living there violates Nevada law. Ooo. Poppies!

2008: This Year in Gibstory: March

Still going: 2008 Gibstory!

March 2008. Gube appoints Jarbidge terrorist to run Ag department. Gube slowly, oh, so slowly, realizes that across the board cuts without consulting legislators was really, really stupid--not that that will keep him from trying it again in 2009. Course, he won't admit it. And, Mary Lau? Who would pick Mary Lau for anything? Gibbons makes atrocious remarks during the hepatitis plague, for which he apologizes while the Nevada Republican party enjoys the high point of a dismal year by converting their annual meeting into a porn convention. Oh, nobody, I mean nobody, accepted the apology. And who knew turtlenecks were so dangerous?